Many people fall in love, get married and work hard at adding value to their relationship for the first year or two. Then the couples become used to being married and start taking each other for granted by not adding or neglecting their values. One or both couples may start looking for these values outside the marriage.
Marriage is very challenging in ways one cannot imagine. Marriage is a business and not all business is the same. There are different models adopted. A marriage is more like a Partnership than an LLC, a partnership whose purpose is the management of a shared life. Two companies merge to form a partnership. Forming mergers are to improve the profitability of the two companies involved. Profitability is a net gain. If one company takes over another, you do not have a merger, you have an acquisition. Acquisitions are not about the coming together of equals. Acquisitions are about one company absorbing another into itself while keeping the essence of its original identity, an identity to which the absorbed company stays subservient.
Certainly, many marriages use the acquisition model. And not that it cannot work, but because people, in general, tend to grow more independent over time, the acquisition model may become problematic as the subservient partner feels increasingly less inclined to remain so.
Every successful business creates the values that will sustain the business and make the business grow. In business, the value is what causes people to want to trade with you. Value is what makes someone decide to hand you their money because they are going to get something they want, something in which they find compelling value.
Value is not fixed or tangible; it rests on perceived benefit. Value is in the mind of the beholder. Innovators work hard to understand exactly what value means to their customers, so they can generate and provide it. Value is an emergent property of the supplier and the consumer; it cannot take place with only one or the other. You need to work hard to generate and give the needed values to your spouse. What your spouse values are not fixed or tangible. You can create new value; you can create more value, or you can create better value. The new value is the most difficult strategy. Creating more value is much easier because you are working with something you already have. Creating better value is also easier because it is an extension of what you are currently doing.
Are you adding value to your marriage? Do you even think about what you can do every day to keep the relationship growing? How does your spouse feel about you if they believe you are compromising rather than giving? If you are giving are you giving in the way your spouse needs you to give? Your purpose in a relationship is to give in the way your partner needs you to give, to give consistency and to add value to their life. If you focus on yourself, then you cannot give as they expected. If you are valuable to your spouse or partner, compromise will disappear and ‘giving’ will take over.
You create value for money either by saving or investing. Where you have money that does not have value, you become poor. Your marriage or relationship becomes poor if you do not add the necessary value. When you give your heart and truly mean it, then you give without expecting anything in return. When you add value because you believe in what you are adding then you do not expect anything in return. The reward for you is in adding the value. It is not your responsibility to ask for reward, that is down to others to give.
Success in anything, be it your career, your hobbies, your relationship, happens and grows when you add value and when those around you who matter see you adding value and want more of the value you bring to their lives. In a relationship, if you both do this for each other and you do this consistently then instead of compromising, you will both become a formidable team working to achieve a common goal thereby meeting each other’s needs. That way you can climb the mountain together in the morning and still be back for tea. The value you both share will bind you.
How you personally define marriage is the foundation of how you treat your marriage and how you commit to your marriage. Your expectations in the marriage will decide what will build or break the relationship. The success of a marriage is dependent upon whether each spouse chooses to value the other highly.
Your marriage is the most important relationship of your life. You must realise your spouse is the person who deserves most of your attention. You must treat your spouse like they are your hero, your king, or queen, and give them the benefit of your best attention. That obviously also implies that you must pay attention when your spouse talks to you. Often, we are guilty of “tuning out” when we get home. We spend all day concentrating at work, and when we get home we just want to relax. That often also result in the fact that we do not listen properly when our spouse talks to us.
Novelty is the quality of being new, original, and unusual. Adding value through novelty simply means kicking our relationship into high gear, with thoughtful experimentation and spontaneity. Finding out what your spouse’s preferences are in the bedroom and catering to those, is a great way to prove that we are placing our spouse’s needs first. Maintaining a surprise element in the sex department is electrifying and amazing. It is, however, unique to each couple and how this plays out will be contingent on things like sexual experience, personality preferences, a willingness to experiment and knowledge about sex. Keep religion and tradition out of this. Make the most of your life together.
The key to is to learn how to increase the value of your spouse. As we learn how to increase the value of our spouses, we increase our ability to deal with anger. One problem is that when people do not see enough value, they try to straighten that person out by using anger. What do you do when you see no value in your spouse? Where you see no value or little value, you must create it. You do not give up. You stay put and deal with the issue. There is no room for escape. You are in this for a lifetime.
Value is a key that opens many doors. Show your spouse, you appreciate him or her and you will add value to their life. When you predict their needs, it adds value. You must pay attention, so you can really know them. It is easy to add value when you understand the power and purpose of love in your relationship. There is no greater power than love! Love can heal the world. Love is pure and decent, innocent, and true. Love will last forever. Love is magical.
Adding Value to Your Marriage— Sex and Relationship. Featured
Written by Jefferson O Imgbi
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Lynette Dawson made a deliberate decision to leave home in 1982 without taking any belongings to make it seem like her husband had killed
her, a court has been told.
Giving evidence in Christopher Michael Dawson's Sydney murder trial
on Monday, Paul Steven Cooper said he had met a woman he was sure was Mrs Dawson early in 1982 at a pub in Warners Bay, on Lake Macquarie.
Cooper claimed to have struck up a conversation with the woman who said she had
left her husband and children and was working
up the courage to see her sister.
Telling the woman that the police might think she had been killed
by her husband because she had left all her belongings, Cooper said he was
shocked by the response.
A witness told the court he spoke to a woman he believed to be Lynette Dawson (right)
shortly after she vanished in 1982
'When I looked back at her, she had a different demeanour at that time and it shocked me because I thought that might have been the intent,' he told Justice Ian Harrison.
Cooper claimed the woman was waiting for a passport and was planning to fly first to Bali and then onto another overseas
country.
She allegedly asked Cooper to book a motel for
her because she had no identification.
After seeing a report on Mrs Dawson on A Current Affair three years ago, Cooper said he contacted Dawson's
lawyer Greg Walsh.
He told the court he didn't contact the police, fearing they would be 'biased'.
Cross-examined by crown prosecutor Craig Everson SC, Cooper admitted that he had spent time in prison for possessing
cannabis and heroin, armed robbery, theft, and break and enter.
The man claimed Lynette (pictured with her husband and daughter Shanelle) said she left her husband and children and was waiting for a passport so that
she could travel to Bali
He had also appeared before court for breaching apprehended violence orders.
While Cooper could not remember details such as whether he had asked for the woman's name,
he was adamant that he was telling the truth.
His own father had killed his wife, and he would not be
here defending Dawson if he thought the murder allegations were true, the court heard.
'I'm not here just to muck around.
I'm here because I believe what I say,' he said.
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Despite Cooper claiming the woman said her
sister lived near Warners Bay, Mr Everson pointed out
that Mrs Dawson's actual sister, Pat Jenkins, lived a three-and-a-half hour drive away at Stuarts Point.
Dawson, now 73, is accused of murdering his wife and disposing of her body on January 9, 1982
so he could have an unfettered relationship with his
then teenage lover and former high school student, known as JC.
He has pleaded not guilty to the charge.
Also on Monday, Justice Harrison dismissed evidence by Robert Silkman that
Dawson had approached him on a busy plane
flight from the Gold Coast to Sydney in 1975 to ask if
he knew someone who could get rid of Mrs Dawson.
Paul Steven Cooper contacted Chris Dawson's (left) lawyers after he saw a
media report of Mrs Dawson (right) three years ago
Silkman's evidence was put forward to show Dawson had specific tendencies
that pointed to the murder of his wife.
Dawson's legal team attacked Silkman's credibility,
pointing out that he had frequently lied to police and
the courts, and had spent time in jail for theft and
arson.
His evidence was rejected alongside testimony of three other witnesses Judith Solomon, KF and Roslyn McLoughlin who claimed they saw
Mrs Dawson with black eyes or bruises before she disappeared
in January 1982.
Closing the Crown's case, Mr Everson said Dawson had thrown up lies and smokescreens
to deflect attention away from the murder.
The timing of Mrs Dawson's disappearance with her husband's unopposed access to JC was neither serendipitous nor innocent, the
barrister said.
'We say that an innocent explanation for Lynette Dawson's disappearance puts such an incredible strain on human experience because it is so unbelievable,' he
told the court.
Chris Dawson (pictured leaving the Supreme Court of New South Wales in Sydney) is accused of murdering his wife and disposing of her body on January 9,
1982 so he could have an unfettered relationship with his
then teenage lover
Details of Dawson's claims he had been contacted by his wife after January 9,
1982 had shifted and changed over the years, Mr Everson said.
Allegations that Mrs Dawson was seen alive after that date also varied,
including that she was with a religious organisation, living in a
Blue Mountains commune, or residing in Queensland or New Zealand.
'Everything that he said about those destinations was vague, unverifiable and
unlikely to attract suspicion in his direction,' Mr Everson said.
The trial continues.
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